Developing Communication Skills A Recap:

The interpersonal relationship: anorexia nervosa’s impact on others.

Supporting someone with anorexia nervosa elicits similar responses in professional and non-professional supporters alike. This results from both the physical and psychological manifestations of the illness.

As a supporter, observing the effects of an eating disorder on a loved one, can elicit a wide range of emotions e.g. fear, anger, frustration, confusion. Eating disorders affect physical, emotional and social health. It can be difficult to know how to help, with so much to consider. The level of complexity which comes with encouraging change in each of these areas, can generate deep anxiety.

Change is more likely to take place, in the context of a positive emotional experience rather than in an environment where high-expressed emotions are triggered. People with eating disorders, because of the state of stress tend to be very sensitive to threat. Food is characterised as the enemy, and mealtimes raise tensions very quickly. This calls for high levels of communication.

When looking to communicate effectively, it is a useful exercise, to reflect on your own emotional reactions, and how you project them, verbally and physically, in challenging situations. Your behavioural responses, can, in themselves, influence others' behaviour, either positively or negatively. Perhaps you might find it helpful, to consider your emotional responses, by reflecting on the characteristics of the animal metaphors which we use to illustrate elements of human behaviour. By recognising your behaviour in these metaphors, you might learn how to regulate those identifiable as unhelpful. Each of the caring styles, can offer certain strengths, when used as part of a collaborative and integrated approach to supporting your loved one, in their recovery. Step back and consider whether your approach is working or not.

The question is: How do you react emotionally and do your emotions affect your ability to communicate clearly and effectively? Which animal metaphor, do you identify with?

The Ostrich

Some family members may find it difficult to discuss or think about, the problems which they are witnessing, in the life of a loved one. They may be afraid of confrontation. Their tendency is to bury their heads in the sand. They might even deny that their loved one, has a problem at all. To address the situation may take them so far out of their comfort zone, that they remove themselves from the home environment as much as they can or find distractions to block out any involvement in the situation.

The Jellyfish

Sometimes, supporters can find themselves trapped in a cycle of self-blame. They may create their own narrative, regarding the causes of their loved one’s eating disorder. One common misconception is that they are to blame for the illness. They can tell themselves that they have failed as a parent. Equally, a parent who has perfectionist tendencies, may see their role as having complete responsibility for every element of their child's life and happiness. Jellyfish characteristics can also manifest themselves in tearful demonstrations of concern. It could be that they feel a sense of despair and are exhausted by their efforts to help. This might be an indicator of depression and their own need for support.

Kangaroo Care

Your natural response to the overt signs of frailty and distress, might be step in, scoop up and envelope them in your protective grasp. Like the marsupial putting it's little one in its' pouch. You will do everything you can to treat them with kid gloves and swaddle them to support and protect, in order to shield them from hurt, pain and emotional distress. Gradually you will accommodate to more and more ED demands even when these are irrational and damaging.

Examples of this accommodating behaviour are:

1. Kangaroo might rush to the shops to restock the pantry, depleted from binges

2. Kangaroo might run around to find the very special food requests of their anorexic loved one.

3. Kangaroo might prepare a different meal for their loved one, and which is separate from the meal cooked for the rest of the family.

• The consequences of these extra efforts to accommodate the eating disorder ‘s demands, are that the eating disorder maintains control and the opportunity to develop life skills, necessary to challenge eating disorder behaviours, is lost. The eating disorder arrests development in the sufferer. Coping with adversity in life in general, becomes even more difficult, if eating disorder behaviours are maintained by the sufferer and accommodated by others.

The Rhinoceros Response