Session 6: Optimise your strengths

Eating disorder behaviours can trigger anxiety, fear and sadness in you. Even with the strongest will in the world and the best coping strategies, an eating disorder will push you to your limits of endurance. Therefore, supporters need to look after their own physical and emotional wellbeing. Remember the aeroplane emergency oxygen instructions: put on your own oxygen mask before you assist others.

Role-modelling self-care and self-compassion is an important life lesson.

Be kind to yourself and live by example. The eating disorder may forbid you to talk to others. Do not collude with this. Reaching out for help and support is a core coping strategy. Who might be able to help and support you? What resources might they share: knowledge; company and empathy; ability to share non-eating disorder tasks (play dates with siblings etc). It is essential to work as a team both within the family and with other supporters (lay and professional). One carer described this as elephant care. By this she was thinking of trunk to tail connection. A common consequence is for the team to become divided leading to fragmentation and opposition.

Build a network of social support.

Consider developing channels of communication with the clinical team to give and receive information being mindful of confidentiality.

Connect with people with lived experience through multiple sources.

Draw up a team with uncles, aunts, neighbours

Figure This image from Elise illustrates how the family an become fragmented by the eating disorder.

Connecting with others with lived experiences.

Jenny Langley, an experienced carer now runs support groups for other carers of people with eating disorders in Kent She has made many videos describing this approach. In the video below Jenny talks about her experience as a mother, when her son had Anorexia Nervosa. She then focuses on the important role that carers can play in the treatment process, and how families and wider social networks can work together to support the person with an eating disorder.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/EQzNKsZARGs

What did you learn from video? Consider these questions?

• What is one way that you look after yourself during this difficult time?
• What strengths and values do you have and/or can you draw on to provide a strong network of support).
• How can you improve your social connection and establish a supportive network?
• What help might you ask for?
• What will you take away from this session?